Did you just lose 100m customer SSNs because your root password was "password", you set an S3 bucket to public or you didn't patch a well known vulnerability for 8 months? Is the media and government chewing you out because of it? Worry not! Our free excuse generator will help you develop an air-tight breach statement in no time!
The fucking teenage hacking prodigies used ransomware to potentially access some customer data. But we have since copy-pasted a security policy we found on Google, so it will never happen again.
